Styles of Relating and True Self / False Self – Going Deeper

This page provides resources for going further into wholehearted integration through the categories of the True Self / False Self and our Styles of Relating.

If you haven’t yet listened to the Become Good Soil podcasts related to this topic, you’ll want to start there.

Part One of Getting Naked

Part Two of Getting Naked

If you haven’t listened to the Wild at Heart Advanced – Poser II – Styles of Relating session – this is the ROUGH MASTER AUDIO – No edits, for your further diving deep.

Download the Styles of Relating exercises connected to the two-part podcast series.

To dive deeper into this, we recommend a couple of resources:


  • Consider the True-False-Self-Chart related to the true self and the false self. Enter into them. Try them on. Observe what comes to mind when you think of them. Invite God to allow them to inform a deeper interactive heart knowledge of the true self and the false self. Link to the True Self / False Self description list.
  • What is your impact on the people around you? What is the effect of your life? What do they feel from you, with you? Ask your wife, close friends, kids, boss, co-workers, and other key people for honest feedback.
  • What is your predominant style of relating (of the main three dominant styles: Move Away, Move Against, Move Toward)? How would you describe the nature of your masculine heart in the service of the false self, in your predominant style? How would you describe the nature of your masculine heart, in the service of the true self, in your predominant style? How do you observe ways you have moved in the other two styles, in the service of your true self? How often do you find yourself operating in your non-dominant styles?
  • Listen to Getting Naked, part 1- podcast on the styles of relating in the context of marriage.
  • Listen to Getting Naked, part 2 – podcast on the styles of relating in the context of a band of brothers.
  • Choose one of the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John). Read the entire book and note every time Jesus acts. Consider which style of relating he is modeling (Moving Away, Moving Against, Moving Toward).
  • Write out the exercise from Romans 7:14-25, 8:1-4 inserting the “true self / false self” distinction he is making regarding the civil war within his soul. For every reference Paul says of himself or of sin living inside of him, insert the term “false self” or “true self” accordingly. Pray through this passage, allowing the Father to deepen your heart understanding of the distinction Paul is drawing regarding the civil war between the false self and the true self within him. What is God teaching you through this? (Get PDF )
  • Read and listen to the podcast and blog Wild, Unfettered, and Free. This explores Jesus’ brilliant capacity and invitation to move fluidly through all three styles of relating in responsiveness to and present-moment union with His Father. How would you observe Jesus’ way that could be described as both “relaxed” and “unpredictable” in a redemptive way? How does Jesus operate in each of the dominant styles of relating (Move Against, Move Toward, Move Away)? What is the impact of His relating with people in a dominant style? How do you observe His chosen engagement to be more responsive to His Father rather than reactive/habitual/pre-programmed? What would you do in that same situation? Why? What would be your motive in how you would choose to react or respond?
  • Consider this image – Our true heart – Imago Dei, in the service of the false self and the true self. Think of a particular gift, or portion of God’s heart that has been entrusted to your care. Some character trait (I referred to my “intensity” in the related teaching.) How do you see that trait in the service of both the true self and in the false self in your life today.

For More

Dive into more resources on the True Self and the Styles of Relating:

  • Become Good Soil Intensive Collection
  • Wild at Heart Advanced 2017, Second Edition. An edited audio and video will be available late 2017. Here is a ROUGH MASTER AUDIO of that session.

Films Exploring These Ideas

 Further Reading